September 18, 2007 by Avy.

I’m stealing this from Myk to boost my mood.

10 Things I like About MYSELF

1. I can be funny sometimes.

2. I’m willing to try new things (sometimes with a little prodding).

3. I like learning new things.

4. I’m typically a good friend.

5. I can see my own tongue.

6. If I focus enough, I can write decently.

7. When I shoot the right photo it makes me feel good, even if other people don’t get it.

8. Instead of just complaining about being fat and ugly, I’m actually doing something about it.

9. I got my driving permit on the first try.

10. I have a job I like and am not unemployed w/ 5 “baby daddies” (and all that ghetto stuff).

I tag: Whoever wants to do this. 

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September 18, 2007 by Avy.

“Things don’t have to be this way
Catch me on a better day

Bury me above the clouds
All the way from here
Take away the things I need
Take away my fear

Hide me in a hollow sound
Happy evermore
Everything I had to give
Gave out long before”

And of course:

“The trick is to keep breathing.”

I’m having a hard time these days and all I wanna do is crawl in a hole and die quietly. That’s crazy talk and I know it. I want the PTSD pill.  I was missing Johnny on the bus this morning cuz I was really down last night. Still am, but whatever. It’s funny how someone partially irks you with one behaviour, but it also is a big part of why you like them. He’d look at me like I was crazy sometimes and pop in his 2 cents, then go on to screamin about steaks and cokewhores. Yip. That was el juan. I miss the random talks. I could go right downstairs and he’d always be there and now he’s not and it’s selfish to be all like “I need a Johnny moment” but anything else would be bullshit. He reminded me of the good parts of different people. I guess the only bad part was the powdery stuff. We didn’t even get to be friends that long. Which sucks.

I can’t figure some things out and it’s making me tired. I’m generally okay but there’s key things in my life that I just don’t get and it’s not simple yes/no  stuff. I used to think overanalyzing was the safe way to make decisions. It’s not. It’s the crazy way. Too many variables and you get soup. Right now my brain is soup.

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