Woe is Me

August 14, 2007 by Avy.

Yesterday’s Weight Watcher’s meeting was successful in one way and depressing in another.

I lost another 2 pounds. 8 pounds total in the past 2 weeks. So yay for that but there’s still a long way to go.

We were talking about positive and negative reinforcement and how the people around you effect your weight. It awned on me that I’ve always felt fat. Ever since I was like 14. First it was because I was so tall. Always like 4-8 inches above every girl I know. And they didn’t make “tall” jeans and stuff readily available for broke teenagers so everything fit me funny. So I dressed like a boy or just wore skirts, which always looked shorter because my legs were so long. My boobs were always huge so I couldn’t trade clothes with friends. It’s just very depressing to face the faux self esteem. I actually got teased in jr. high for having big boobs. First there’s the family teasing me for being too skinny. To the point where I actually ate as much as I could to gain weight. Then my butt never got ghettorific. Then there’s the not being 5′4. So you take your “flaws” and turn them into your proud points but the fact of the matter is it’s all bullshit. I will always be miserable because even when I look the way I did at 19/20, I’ll still be too big to everyone else in the world. I could lie and say I don’t care, but in some cases I do. It’s just very very frustrating.

Posted in Rant, Health, Relationships | 2 Comments »