August 31, 2007 by Avy.

So there’s a grimoire blessing I learned a LONG time ago, but forgot the last half of. I just got the brain power to Google the part I do know… I thought the first word was hearken. I could be wrong. Everything else is right… Here it be’s:

“Listen as the Witch’s word,
Calls the All, a gulf to ford.
Bridge the vast realities,
An’ it harm none, do as ye please.

Elements watch and guard this book,
From wandering eyes and prying look.
In this right and ready hour,
Fill it with thine ancient power.

Powers of North! Earth below,
Show us to live, to learn, and grow.
Lend us your strength and stability,
To practice with love and set ourselves free.

Powers of East! Wind and the Sky,
Watch o’er these pages with thine eye.
Your wisdom and knowledge, for these we do ask,
That this book be worthy to the Craft and it’s task.

Powers of South! Fire and Hearth,
Help these shadows to prove their worth.
Infuse and uplift with your healing and passion,
So only good comes from the Works that are fashioned.

Powers of West! Waters and Sea,
Transformation and growth are granted by thee.
Bless herein pages with all that you know,
That all righteous readers may learn and may grow.

In Winter, in Spring, in Summer and Fall,
In our Shadows we ask for the aid of the All.
To practice the Craft of the wise as we must, With truth, perfect peace, perfect love, and perfect trust.

We ask for the blessings of Lady and Lord,
As we hold up her chalice and brandish his sword.
All that we know is infused with their power,
From sun and from moon, from rock and from flower.

Guard us Earth Mother and teach us your lore,
From silvery moon to the earth’s inner core.
When working our Majick, please help us not fear it,
We know you will guide us, and strengthen our spirit.

Grant us Sky Father your wisdom and strength,
To complete all our workings, to go the full length.
You smile down upon us , the light of the sun,
Rejoicing in life, with you we are one.
Guardians from the four directions,
Lady and Lord, it’s your protection,
And your love for which we look,
To inspire and lead as we write this book.

Yet to the unschooled eye let see,
Confusing words and sophistry.
Lead them from these sacred pages,
On blessed ways throughout the ages.

Yet to the Witch, this book shall stay,
Plain and truthful, clear as day.
Direct and show, guide and teach,
Their dreams and goals, please let them reach.

For free will of all, and harm to none,
As I have willed it , it now is done.
So Mote It Be!”

Posted in Religion, Rave | 1 Comment »

August 30, 2007 by Avy.

Can it be that prease?  So I can has business time?

I want to go toy shopping.

In more important news. I have been writing all week. It feels good. It helps and I forgot what that feels like. Oh my! If they could see me now! I think it’s calming me down as well. Redirection of energy is wise.  I’m deciding what does and does not matter in my life.  It’s funny how much writing out every though helps.

Whenever I’m feeling extra horny, I just write or exercise or take a shower. It worked yesterday and I was happy to be so tired. I still got some nooky, but I wasn’t like omgineedtehsecks! So I’m proud of me.

Also… I have way too many points to eat in a given day. I gained 1 pound this week (as of 8/27) and I blame the WW points system. I’m just gonna eat whatever and steer clear of crap food. I’ll keep exercising and that’ll be that.  I won’t go over my points and all will be well. I’m still drinking at least 60oz of water a day (in the form of 20oz  bottles). Istill take my vitamins everyday. And I think it’ll all work out fine.

So yeah. I’m okay with me right now and I think I’ll stay that way for a while. That’d be nice.

Celebrate Me! I rock!

Posted in Rave, Health, Writing, Relationships | 1 Comment »

August 30, 2007 by Avy.

“You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That’s an education in itself. ”
-Carol Burnett

The woman’s got a point.  I was talking to my grandmother the other day and everytime I talk to her it reminds me of being a kid, then a  teen, now adult. I’ve never had anything easy. I’ve had help along the way sometimes, but life certain has been harder on me than a lot of people my age, though I know there’s 6 million people who’ve had it much worse.

I’ve realized no matter how hard anything gets or how unfair anything will be, I’m a frakkin survivor ( I not be dyin). The fact that I’m not a drug addict or psycho-killer or haven’t annihilated myself yet are sure signs.

I think about the bullcrappage I’ve been through in the past 5 years alone and then look further and realize, hey, I’m still here.  Then there’s the ridiculousness my 10 - 18 years. Let’s not even mention before 10. The sad part is that there aren’t that many people left who’ve known me that long.  That really makes me sad sometimes, but oh well. Such is life, ne?

Anyways. I know life’s not fair and mean people suck and lies will be told and rules will be broken, and buckkits will be stolen, but that’s humanity for ya. Humans are flawed. Everyone. So bah.

I’m glad to know I still remember this stuff. The past is motivation to have a better future. The thing about the future is that YOU have to carve it out yourself no matter who else is around.

That’s why the world really does revolve around me.

Posted in Grown-up Business, Relationships | 1 Comment »

August 29, 2007 by Avy.

I think about things I shouldn’t think about.  Ibelieve what I wanna believe. I second guess myself. I compare apples to oranges because they’re both fruit. They both comefrom a tree. They both need the sun, water, eart to grow in and air to breathe. They’d similar but not the same and which one’s better?

I just feel like crying because I hate when I have these confusion spells. I can see everything clearly and I know I’m not perfect, but there’s somethings I just can’t do because I don’t even know what those things are. Sometimes I just hate being me and would rather be dead.

I saw Johnny’s brother this morning and Monday after work. Instead of dealing with how I feel about a friend of miine essentially being beaten to death, I focus on other things like sex. I love sex– always have. I can think of a lot of things that make people feel good and sex is the best. Anyway, I think I’ve been extra horny/sex-focused partially because of this thing with Johnny. It’s been a long time since someone I really cared about died, esp violently. There were a lot of times when I could sit around with Johnny and talk about stuff and he’d make me feel better about a thing or two. It sucks that he’s gone and I never really got to tell him how much I appreciated him slowing down and being quiet enough to have that friend time with me. He kinda kept me level when I needed it.  It’s selfish but I’ll miss that.

It’s too quiet at home. There’s no loud phone convo’s from him. Or BBQ action or music. It’s too quiet and he was too alive to be dead and I miss him.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

August 24, 2007 by Avy.

When I wake up in the morning, WPST is nearly blaring on the radio. Before I roll out of bed, Stolen is usually playing. I think I love this song. So I looked up other Dashboard songs and they’re…eh… okay musically. What I love is the lyrics. They feel right to me. It’s funny, but I’ve actually been inspired to start writing again. It’s like I forgot how good it feels. It’s cathartic to write for yourself. If others like it, that’s a bonus. I think it’s time to start doing that again.

(And the funny thing is that I am not SUPER duper impressed by all the lyrics. They just made me feel good.)

Posted in Writing, Music | 1 Comment »