I Like Stuff

June 21, 2007 by Avy.

I like my semi-new site. I like this blog. I like having a life that doesn’t have certain people in it anymore. I like peace and quiet and uncomplicated outtings with friends. I like not having to wonder who’s saying what or doing what or anything overly drama-ridden. My life is simple. I have something to be thankful for.

This time last year I was SO sad. Seriously. Last Midsummer was a stressful time. This year I’m (slowly) getting back to good. It’s somethin to get happy about. There’s a lot of negative elements out of my life. I’m hoping they stay there. The only sucky part is when you know a bunch of stuff and have to then get past things. It’s really hard to do. For a while I’m pretty sure I was feeling bad about some things that I should feel bad about. Other people make their own choices in life and nothing I do effects that. That’s one thing I like to remind myself. The universe is vast and I could make an analogy between dust mites and humans, but bah.

Last year I did a really pretty peaceful ritual. I’m going to do it again, but I have still failed to figure out where. I took off last year and went to the park in the afternoon if I remember correctly. I climbed to the top of this massiverock and was lookin at the streamy-water with the flowy goodness and all. It was peaceful. I liked it. I was thinking of taking a bath, but it’s bad how I get annoyed thinking of baths because a certain bitch took baths.. I have that habit to break. I associatee things with people. Once those people frakk up, I am turned off from the whole deal. I wanna take a ritual bath without thinking of certain people. It’s weird. I haven’t lost my religion, but I feel like somehow I taint it with mmy ADD and lack of discipline. I try, but admit it’s really hard.
Today we’re gonna pay a shivah call to Erik’s parents for Bubby. I think today’s a great day for that. It’s a holy day so it’s a great day for anything good in my book. But how stupid is it that I’m so upset about not knowing her better. And the reasons are so stupid too. It makes me sad and pisses me off. I’m pretty much convinced she was/is his favorite person and I’ve barely spoken to her. So is that selfish? I have my own to know, but my family knows him. I know his parents, but that doesn’t make me special. I only have to have a vagina for that. I dunno. It’s stupid, but I care. So maybe it’s not stupid. Bah. Can of worms:closed. Whatever.

It’s funny. Actually, not funny. It’s odd. I’m technically better off than I was a year ago, but I still feel displaced.

And I don’t feel like doing work today. I want to go home and sit by my alter and calm down and be calm for hours. I need a travel alter. That could be good. I know “happiness is a road, not a destination” or however that cliche goes, but I’m just sayin I feel uncomfortable. So that’s what I’m praying for today. I haven’t been too comfortable because I’ve been worrying. Well it’s time to stop worrying.

I worry about everything. It’s mainly family stuff. I worry about family stuff a lot. I totally shouldn’t (because what’s the point?) but I do. So I’m gonna stop.

Oh, one habit I have developed lately has been grounding and centering throughout the day. It helps keep me sane. Breathe. To breathe is divine. Sounds silly but to me it is. Cuz why exactly are you breathing to begin with. Think about it. Study on it.

I have no idea what I’m talking about. I’m just rambling and if I’m the only one who understands, oh well… MY BLOG. na-nanny boo boo. I wonder. What’s a name like babe that’s not babe/baby. I need one of those names. But not honey. Well maybe. The word babe annoys me. BAHHHH Association again. Sheesh. I need a nap. Time is trickling by so slowly.

I want to go dancing. I want have pictures taken and like them lol. No seriously. I want to put on a pretty dress and some nice shoes, and I wanna wear my hair up and dangly earrings with a nice necklace and I wanna dance. I’m sure at some point I could. I don’t know anyone who dances that way save for Kristoffe and my ass is too big for all that twirlin in the air. He’d break his back. I’m just sayin… physics. But yeah. Dancing would be nice. I need to do something different. What fun is it to do new things all by your lonesome? Bah. I need to level up. Seriously, I need +5 INT.

I need a minion. I think that’d be beneficial. I need a voluntary minion. That way I could be a pryncess fo shizzle. I’d say handmaiden, but they pretty much always betray you. That’s why I hates bitches. I need a hero! lalala lalala lala lala lalala.

I need to shut up.

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